Randal Schwartz

Cruise Adventures, Travel, & Historical Encounters

• I am an avid world traveler, having visited 68 countries and stepped foot on every continent except Antarctica (and I came tantalizingly close to that one, too!).
• Ancient Mesoamerican Exploration: I have used my extensive cruise and land voyages through Mexico and Central America to visit and document almost every major known public ancient site, including climbing the towering pyramid at Chichen Itza, trekking the wild jungle roads of Coba with Neil Bauman, and exploring the hand-sculpted terraces of Xochicalco. See My Mesoamerican Archaeological Adventures.
• The Antarctica Near-Miss: During a Geek Cruises voyage with Woz, I famously calculated the pragmatism of skipping a one-day Antarctica excursion over hauling two trunks of cold-weather gear. The excursion was cancelled at the last minute, perfectly vindicating my minimalist style. See Antarctica Excursion Cancellation.
• The Day I Rejected Python: In August 2001, on the "ScriptScape" cruise, I sat down with Guido van Rossum for a one-hour OOP cell dispatch design session, witnessing dynamic workarounds that cemented my decision to never learn Python. See The Day I Decided Never to Learn Python.
• The Stallman vs. Raymond Shouting Match: On the October 2001 Linux Lunacy cruise, I witnessed a raw, passionate, and completely unshielded debate erupt between Richard Stallman (RMS) and Eric S. Raymond (ESR), mediated by Jon "maddog" Hall. See The Great Shouting Match.
• Matchmaker at Sea: I witnessed Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak meet his future wife, Janet Hill, on a tech-focused Geek Cruise. See Steve Wozniak Meets Janet Hill.
• Machu Picchu with Woz (February 2011): During the MacMania 11 cruise in South America, I went on an unforgettable overland land excursion up into the Andes of Peru to explore the breathtaking ancient citadel of Machu Picchu alongside Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak. See Machu Picchu Adventure with Woz.
• Stonehenge Forrest Gump Moments: During a 2001 UK trip, I experienced a sequence of pure synchronicity and dry British wit while visiting my company's namesake, Stonehenge, in custom company gear. See Stonehenge Visit and Forrest Gump Moments.
• LISA 2001 Hot Wings Promotion: In December 2001, I road-tested my new Camaro Z28 down to San Diego for LISA 2001, enlisting Hooters Girls to deliver hot wings on the trade show floor, garnering massive crowds and a mixture of "cheers and jeers." See LISA 2001 and the Hot Wings Promotion.
• LISA 2004 Cash Swag Promotion: In November 2004, at the Stonehenge booth during LISA in Atlanta, I ran a highly memorable "literal dollar bill" swag campaign to cut through the trade show noise. Each envelope contained a crisp $1 bill and a message asking why companies spend a dollar on plastic balls you'll just throw away. See Stonehenge Booth LISA 2004 Cash Swag.
• Veracruz Thanksgiving (November 2004): During my first extended trip to Mexico for a Perl conference in Veracruz, I presented tutorials and keynotes, watched Richard Stallman lecture completely in Spanish, and celebrated Thanksgiving with a plate of turkey enchiladas. See Veracruz Conference and Richard Stallman.
• The Caribbean Click 2 Cruise (January 2005): I sailed on the grand Queen Mary 2 for Geek Cruise #26. I spent a week learning and mentoring alongside digital photography titans Kevin Gilbert (founder of Blue Pixel and a still photographer on Mark Burnett's original Eco-Challenge—the precursor to Survivor) and workflow legend Rob Galbraith. See Caribbean Click 2 Cruise.
• The Photoshop Fling 3 Cruise (February 2005): I joined Geek Cruise #27 on the m/s Veendam. Taking multiple classes from design royalty Deke McClelland (the author of the bestselling Photoshop Bible) and Bert Monroy (one of the founding fathers of digital painting) was an absolute masterclass that completely changed how I look at creative pixels. See Photoshop Fling 3 Cruise.
• From Aztec Ruins to Buffalo Snowstorms (February 2005): I went on a wild, back-to-back trip, teaching Perl at CONSOL 2005 in sunny Mexico City and climbing the ancient terraced ruins of Xochicalco in Morelos, before flying straight into a freezing winter storm in Buffalo, New York, where I woke up to a foot of snow on my rental car every morning. See From Aztec Ruins to Buffalo Snowstorms.
• My Brazil Adventures and Christ the Redeemer (2005): I made two spectacular journeys to Brazil in 2005 to lecture at major free software events: speaking at the high-energy FISL 6.0 in Porto Alegre in May, and CONISLI in São Paulo in November. Along with experiencing the legendary open-source spirit, I got to explore Rio de Janeiro, going up Mount Corcovado to the monumental Christ the Redeemer statue at least twice, and taking the cable car up the sheer cliffs of Sugarloaf Mountain. See My Brazil Adventures and Christ the Redeemer.
• The Baltic Sea Geek Cruise (July 2005): I sailed aboard the m.s. Westerdam for Geek Cruise #28 (the Baltic Blast), enjoying 10 days of White Nights, old-world architecture in Estonia and Russia, finding that nobody in Europe accepts AMEX traveller's checks with Neil Bauman in Finland, and presenting a Perl CGI::Prototype talk in Copenhagen. See Baltic Sea Geek Cruise.
• The Arecibo Camel Book: In January 2002, on the Perl Whirl cruise, I toured the iconic (and now lost) Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico, finding an O'Reilly Camel Book on a scientist's desk and standing on the movie-famous scientist porch from Contact. See Visit to Arecibo Observatory.
• Duet with JoCo: In February 2012, on the second JoCo Cruise (produced by my good friend Neil Bauman), I managed to pull off a legendary coup: tricking independent singer-songwriter Jonathan Coulton into singing a hilarious karaoke duet with me. See Karaoke with Jonathan Coulton on JoCo Cruise 2.
• Loreto Dockside Translator: On the April 2002 Oracle Odyssey cruise, I visited Loreto in the Sea of Cortez and put my practical "bar Spanish" to excellent use, translating and ordering drinks for struggling tourists. See Loreto Dockside Translation.
• The "Canary in the Coal Mine" for Git Portability: Shortly after Linus Torvalds created Git in April 2005, I welcomed him to Portland with a lunch. After asking if the new change control tool ran on OpenBSD or macOS, Linus challenged me to try it, launching my twelve-year run as the primary tester and patch contributor for non-Linux Git portability. See Welcome to Portland Lunch and the Non-Linux Portability of Git.
• Demystifying Git on the Global Stage: In late 2007, six months after Linus Torvalds' famously explosive Google Tech Talk on what Git is not, I was invited by Google to present a companion talk explaining what Git actually is conceptually. Focusing on content-addressable storage, commit objects, and directed acyclic graphs, my talk became a global educational hit and served as the default learning video for the Git transition for several years. I went on to deliver this acclaimed talk worldwide, including at FISL (Fórum Internacional de Software Livre) in Porto Alegre, Brazil, and numerous other international open-source venues. See Google Tech Talk on Git.
• Commander of the Skies: I earned my Private Pilot certificate with Airplane Single Engine Land and Instrument Airplane ratings (PP-ASEL-IA), alongside high-performance and complex retractable gear signoffs. With 270 hours as Pilot in Command (PIC), I was actively working toward my Commercial Pilot certificate and Flight Instructor ratings when a devastating theft of my physical logbook took the wind out of my sails—but those cloud-soaring, Instrument-guided hours remain some of my most intellectually rewarding achievements. See My Pilot Training and Aviation Days.
• The Computer Crime Trial (1993–1995): I faced a highly publicized criminal prosecution by my former client Intel under Oregon's Computer Crime Law. Convicted of three computer-related felonies in July 1995 for standard security-auditing operations (running Crack to audit password strength), I spent years under strict probation. While the case had permanent international travel and federal program consequences, it also generated massive support from the tech community and was fully expunged in 2007. See State of Oregon v. Randal Schwartz.
• Retirement Dreams and Current Reality: While I had often imagined that I would eventually retire to my beloved Tijuana or Cabo San Lucas, life took a different turn. My finances have mostly dried up, so I now live in a studio apartment in North Portland. Even though my retirement plans have shifted, I am surrounded by a lifetime of rich travel memories, and I remain highly active as a GDE, author, and mentor.